Terrible stuff happens, and it seems so random. Yet there it is, happening when you least expect it. And when it does, the pain can seem overwhelming. The hurt, the sorrow, the shock — it can all seem so unbearable. As with everything though, your experience of it changes and transforms over time; change is inevitable.
And there is a simple power you can own in that:
You can change your relationship to emotional pain.
By focusing your attention on a word or phrase, you can change your relationship to the pain so that it feels more possible to bear. Loving Kindness phrases are great for this. You can tell yourself what you most need to hear right now.
Know that you are doing all you can in this time of suffering.
Know that you are not alone.
Know that you are loved. Know that you are appreciated.
Know that you are smart and strong and have courage to spare.
Know that nothing is permanent. These painful and raw feelings will eventually change to something less harsh.
Know that one day, you will find the silver lining in this mess.
I say Loving Kindness phrases to myself all the time. Whenever I feel an emotion coming up that feels bad, my hand automatically goes to my heart, and I wish myself gorgeous things like safety, peace, ease, love, and happiness. Even when I’m not upset, I wish these things for myself.
On a shelf in my closet, I keep a wooden figure of a woman made by Kelly Rae Roberts with angel wings on her back and a quote on her flat body. She stands about sixteen inches tall. Every day, I read the quote out loud first thing in the morning when I am getting dressed:
“Dear You, may you give yourself permission to trust your voice, step into your power, and know that what you’re doing matters.”
Keep returning your attention to what lifts you up. Slowly but surely, you will transform your relationship to emotional pain and begin to heal.