I had a big huge experience in my body on a night not too long ago, as I stood close to the stage in the bar at the Hard Rock Hotel in San Diego. My daughter Cara was gigging with her band, Wsprgrl. She’s the singer/songwriter and she’s really quite phenomenal.
I’ve witnessed her greatness on stage many times in the last few years, but last night was different. She gave her in-ear microphone to her bandmate on the keyboard because his was broken, so she was flying blind, as it were, singing without being able to hear herself.
She was vulnerable up there, music booming and lights flashing behind her. There were two enormous speakers on the floor to the right and left of the stage. I was standing next to the speaker on the right, the music whooshing out of the speaker making the fabric of my bellbottom jeans flap around in the sonic wave. Cara’s twin, Danielle (also a ridiculously talented singer/songwriter), was stationed at the speaker on stage left.
I had my iPhone video recorder on, and was holding it below my face, at chest height, so I could have my full face in contact with Cara, my smile and eyes communicating that she was killing it. Whenever I looked over at Danielle, I saw the same thing – she was locked onto her sister, cheering her on, her face full of support and connection.
Just then, I felt this flush of emotion – I think it was ecstasy.
I started sweating and felt this burst of energy that was almost too much, like I was going to explode or faint. I mentally stepped outside of myself to try to witness what was happening and I saw myself so happy and full of hope. I think it was because Danielle was there too.
It was wonderful that my husband and son were there, but I think it was the twin thing that my body was responding to…
Parenting these girls has been the challenge of my life – and that night, the Universe gave me gift.
It wasn’t the quiet awe that I feel when I’m standing on a cliff over the ocean, or making a night crossing on the sailboat, hearing only the sound of the waves and marveling at the night sky filled with diamonds. No, it was an earthshaking and sweaty sonic boom of light and sound and LOVE – so appropriate when I think about it now, because it was about my girls and me.
And that’s not a quiet awe, not one bit.